Imaginary Drug

You’re like a drug when
I watch you on the screen.
You make me believe I
could fall in love with a block
of unkempt cheese.

Dude, how did you do it
to yourself and to me?

Unattainable folks with cash
and bad haircuts,
but you’re a bit nonplussed.

My feet tingle as you hold
that piece of plastic in your
hand, but how old are you really?

You’re fucking the cardboard box
of my life with a blunt knife,
but I don’t really care how you do it.

Continue to undress in irony,
or act like your the ultimate corporation as you place your name on every plaque.

Whatever the case, dude, you’ll be using a walker soon and I’ll be wishing I’d said something nice to the lady down the road before she died from a pinprick.

Along the Kyle

Hills of green can be seen far and wide, although, down here forever is blind.

The sky is shy today, as he decides that we all need a decent dose of grey without rain.

Winds flow through the castle which once housed our family and our loved hearts.

The sky knows what my heart feels, but he’s always been good at knowing this.

I’ve travelled far and wide to try and escape the pain I feel missing you, but I cannot keep going forever.

The sky tells the rain to hold off. The rain tells the sky to fuck off. How like a married couple these two are in retrospect.

Walking along the Kyle, I know the time nears. How wonderful that after 100 years of your moods, you and I will meet again.

The rain begins to fall. It looks like the rain won that argument. Perhaps I will too.

Looking to the Alps

They stand hand in hand looking to the Alps.

Reflective and oddly calm, she says, “Up here the world is crisp and clean. You and I can talk without the madness of society getting in the way…Don’t you love the way the snow sits upon the mountains, yet the sun still shines and it isn’t too cold?”

He pauses for a few moments to breathe in the crisp air, “It’s beautiful for an Autumn day…the light, it’s welcomed here and not despised…I could live in this country…”

She looks to him and smiles, so he adds, “The sun feels different in Australia compared to Switzerland…Perhaps it is weaker?”

She squeezes his hand and he kisses her forehead, as she responds, “Yes…it feels fainter…let’s stay a little longer.”

Season Reflections

T’is the Season to rush around madly, develop a sense of unrestrained disgust for humanity while shopping, and then feel utterly defeated by the thought of another year rolling around…another year to see another birthday.

I’m in an oddly reflective frame of mind as I think about my 40th birthday, which will, regardless of what I do or say, arrive on the 19th of March 2019.

As birthdays go, you could say this one is just another number, or that I’m only half way to death.  Whatever you say about 40, it’s a place I never could have fathomed when I was a kid; 30 seemed odd enough, but what comes after is anyone’s guess.

The reason for my reflection is my change in career and due, most wonderfully, to my love affair with writing since November 2015.

I was a Property Lawyer for roughly 10 years.  I learnt so much about the light and dark sides of human nature, politics in the office, greed, failure and success, and myself in those years. So much so that I am now an ex-lawyer. 

It’s been a long road to say out loud, “Career mindset and how you see yourself can really fuck with your head.”  I’ve had to come to the realisation that you don’t need a title if you are terribly unhappy.  

Terribly unhappy was a time in early 2010.  I was sitting at my desk in an office without a window.  The office was on the 17th floor, but if I tried I could see out of other people’s windows.  I sat thinking about my files, as I stressed over 150 that all needed my attention ASAP (how I hate that acronym).  I pictured the files pouring out of the windows, to fall and float down on to the streets as they caught on fire. Paper and ash falling as people looked up in wonder.  

I came to realise, looking back, that I probably should not have stuck at it so long.  However, I did learn many things and it taught me that I was trying to be someone I was not.  It only took about 10 years for me to get to the point where I would admit it to myself.  That honesty only happened recently.

You ask, “Where is all of this going?”  Well, creative writing and poetry changed me.  I started to think and feel differently through writing.  As I wrote more I discovered that the law meant less to me.  Then all I wanted to do was write, and that is when I knew that I would never make it in private practice.  Also, I didn’t really want the lawyer life anymore.

So, I took a chance this year and changed my career path.  I start a new role in January 2019 which will make time for writing, which is what I love.

As the eternal optimist, I say, “The washing machine of my life might be fucking with my clothes, but once you find the power point you can turn it off“.

May we all write more words in 2019.  

Season’s Greetings,

C K Words